2020.
It’s a sentence all by itself isn’t it?
The last time I wrote a blog post was about our near death experience with Dustin. At the time I thought wow we can only go up from here, but what I have realized is that journey prepared me for the chaos we would enter into.
For our family the chaos, loss, and devastation started in 2019. I experienced loss at a level that made me question my entire life. For a good month I experienced overwhelming anxiety that lead to sleepless nights and days filled with fear.
I really had to work on grounding myself with Jesus. The worship music was blasted. Prayers were prayed through tears and I had to come to a space where I again was fully reliant on Jesus.
As we entered 2020 I wrote the following verses and one quote on a chalkboard I have. They have proven to be a true source of encouragement and grounding during such uncertain times.
“Behold I am doing a new thing ; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19
“No, O people, the LORD has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8
“You can choose courage or you can choose comfort. You cannot have both” -Brene Brown
I have a choice everyday. I can live in fear or I can live in faith. I am choosing to live in faith. Faith that I worship a God that is bigger than all the evil things happening in this world from our personal life, to systematic racism , and diseases that have no cure.
In the midst of uncertain times I ran for office, lost every bit of what I thought to be true about my family growing up, struggled to provide the best for my children, fought for my children’s rights, fought for other children’s rights, did lots of self examination in regards to racism, and coming to a place where I must trust that nothing is possible without God and everything is possible with God.
Today and everyday I choose to believe that the God of infinite Love will ultimately defeat evil. That every wrong will be made right. That at the end of the day love wins and the light penetrates the darkness.
Today I want to encourage you as any good doula would. This is the tension of transition. It is hard work and can feel overwhelming. But the God of the Universe is by your side holding you up. Push through and before you know it a new life will be born.
